why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
