just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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