As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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