i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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