fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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