Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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