If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
