For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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