Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize