Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
