best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
