Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You pole danced in your parka.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Randomize
