My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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