I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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