I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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