dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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