i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
