I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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