Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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