Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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