when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
