just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
