omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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