Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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