I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
