saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
