wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
