Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
