i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
and you fell through a lawn chair
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
