Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
