I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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