Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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