I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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