i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
