Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
