That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
