She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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