I wish I could teleport
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
