I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
