It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
