I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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