I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
