My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
