i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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