i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
