no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
