we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
