good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
