i may or may not be watching the land before time
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
