I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
