Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
