The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
