The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just want nice things and good sex
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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