Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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