I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
