I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I want is dick and wine.
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