Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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