remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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