i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
