just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
