We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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