His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
