A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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