So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
