I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
