Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
