Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
