Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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