no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
