you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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