tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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