I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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