Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
