In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
