so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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