Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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