His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
